beyond love. i was on my way
back from new york. the megabus
was relatively empty. it was quiet
enough.
july 2018. i wasn’t on talking terms with my
best friend. i wasn’t on talking terms with
my mom, too. so i directed my energy
towards this one person. gave them my full
attention.
at the time i was convinced i was in love. but i think i
just needed someone to feel concerned for me.
we were texting while i waited for the bus to
leave. i sent them a message: “i’ll see you
soon” i received a message: “can’t wait”
and i remember feeling so warm. at
the thought of someone waiting for
me.
i knew they weren’t. no one was.
but the idea of it. someone waiting to see me. it was nice to
summon the possibility.
beyond love. someone’s
waiting for you, gene. the
song played.
beyond love. i believed it.
someone’s waiting for you, gene. that person. your
friend. your mom.
for four minutes and twenty five
seconds. i really believed it.
and i remember smiling. and
feeling safe enough to fall asleep.
beyond love. no
expectations. just a kind
apparition.
beyond
love.
